Febreze

This one goes out to all the stinky people who choose not to shower when underway. I will provide you with some helpful hygiene tips observed on boat #2.

Offgoing drills and oncoming training got you down. No time to hit the showers before going to the rack. No worries, just spritz yourself down with a little Febreze. Be sure to keep your eyes shut when spraying near your face because that shit burns. But hey, temporary blindness is a small price to pay to prevent the painful jeers of your shipmates who have noticed your oppressive body odor. You can also save time on your laundry, just lay all your clothes on your rack and spray away. Your laundry may not be clean, but at least it won't smell like a cat mistook your clothes for a litter box.

Febreze, makes me feel fine
Showering just takes up so much ti-i-i-ime!