Update

Long time no blog, strange considering that I have been on terminal leave and should have plenty of free time. May 31 is fast approaching and I will then be official!!! Spent most of terminal leave trying to adjust to the joys of civilian life. It has not been everything that I hoped it would be, but I was just stressing about finding my place in everyone's routine. I have been trying harder to just take it one day at a time and put everything in God's hands. No real job yet, substitute teaching has taken a little of my time, home remodeling and kids taxi service has taken up most of the rest of it. I have interviewed for one job and feel like the interview went well, but will not find out anything til mid June. All I can do now is put my faith in God and take my life where he leads.

Geo Bachelor

I have officially become a Geo bachelor. Well, I guess not totally, my 16 year old is still with me to finish this school year, but after that I will be all by myself. It is weird. There is no boat to keep me busy so I find myself thinking how empty the house seems. I am getting plenty of alone time and sometimes that is good, but as I am roaming around the house cleaning up I will find something that reminds me of one of the kids and I will miss them terribly for a few minutes then continue on. I can't get over how quiet the house is and actually miss the constant noise and kids fighting. I spent yesterday watching movers pack up stuff to ship back home the wife and kids. Then I moved the rest of the stuff that I am not keeping with me for the next year into the garage so movers can come take that to storage today. I have to move out of this house because as a "bachelor" I no longer qualify for a 4 bedroom. My original plan was to move all the stuff that I wanted into my new place and then let the movers go to town, but the new place isn't ready yet. This is why I spent all afternoon yesterday moving a vast majority of the larger items I own into the garage, just so they don't accidentally take any of the stuff I want with them. I won't be able to move into my new place for like 3 weeks. I guess I should be happy, because that gives me more time to clean this place thouroughly so I don't get ass-hammered on the Housing move out inspection. I feel like I am getting ready for ORSE and I don't get pro pay any more. Well, enough babbling for now I think I hear the moving truck...

Could we please stop talking about the Octomom?

Enough already, why must the media keep giving this crazy woman who has not had sex in like 15 years but still managed to have 14 kids in that time news coverage. I am tired of hearing about her, from the death threats to the fights with her mom to whatever the hell else this woman is doing. I prefer women who want to have children the old fashioned way. Don't get me wrong, for those people who try and try to have kids and for whatever reason can't, then helping them along with invetro fertilization, hormone therapy, or fertility drugs is cool. But when a woman has six kids already, with no husband, why does she need more? The doctor that helped her should have to pay to support all those kids and get his license removed. Please make it stop.

ARE YOU F*%&ing KIDDING ME!!!

A Florida woman called 911 for a McNugget emergency. Not once mind you but three times. What the fuck is wrong with people? Who's the suspect? The Hamburglar...maybe but it doesn't fit his MO. I'd like to see that police lineup. Ronald, the Fry Guys, Birdie, Grimace and the Hamburglar all lined up like on the cover of The Usual Suspects. Hamburglar all saying "Keyser Soce, rabble, rabble and shit". Thankfully that dumb woman has been asked to appear in court for misuse of 911. But officers "That bitch be hongry" I don't know what else to say.....

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,504125,00.html

At the request of one of my faithful readers, a link to the story that inspired the post.

A Submarine Love Song

You're always there
Whenever I need you
You stand by my side
Perhaps I should clean you
You never complain
When I put you away
My faithful companion
On each uderway
You certainly do
Have your own little charms
And I now realize
Why Popeye has such big forearms
You're my most prized possession
It's definitely a lock
I don't give a damn
That you're just an old sock
Some people might think
What a silly game
To give a tube sock
A feminine name
This old submarine
Is a lonely old place
I use a black sharpie
To draw you a face
Hide you under my pillow
I'm not being mean
I just don't want to lose you
You are special Doreen
You're always there
Whenever I need you
Though you help me beat it
I'll never mistreat you

On being denuked

Well, it has been over three years since I drew Nuclear pro pay and though it stung at first I have had time to reflect and think about all the positives that came from my unfortunate circumstance.
1. I no longer have to worry about preparing a lecture that will most likely be ripped to shreds by the CO.
2. I no longer have to worry about racking out all the guys in my division for training that they could care less about.
3. I no longer have to worry about whether or not my guys are eating chips in maneuvering.
4. I no longer have to worry about ORSE.
5. I never have to wonder what being an EDMC would be like.
6. No more primary PMS.
7. No more TGLO bay field days.
8. No more SSMG maintenance (which I kind of miss).
9. I can now say that's what you get pro pay for you fuckin' nuke.
10. I can still make fun of coners too.
11. No more watches in the Engine room.
12. No more inport days on the boat until 2200.
13. No more Heatups or cooldowns.
14. No more 0300 startup briefs.
15. No more proficiency watches.
16. I've almost forgotten the SUR equation.
17. What is the neutron life cycle.
18. No more Eng Department Exams.
19. No more drill briefs.
20. No more offgoing field days with oncoming training.

The list could keep going and going and going, but I think you get the point.

Catfish quote

Gloves are for pussies.

Blogger's Block

The postings have been pretty sparse lately. I added the photos that I got from the safety centers web site after modifying them a little(adding captions) but otherwise have been pretty uninspired to do much else. Retirement is fast approaching, see the countdown at the bottom of the blog, and I feel like I am losing my mind trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. This is worse than senior year of high school, at least then I knew what I was going to do when I finished, but I have no idea what I want to do after the Navy. I am constantly driving my wife up the wall, and she is returning the favor. There is something to be said about making a six month deployment every so often just to get a break. I think that is what is wrong with us now. We had gotten so used to being apart that now we have forgotten how to be together. I am sure we will figure it out, but it is very frustrating right now. Things just feel like they are moving to fast, (funny how the older you get the more this happens) and I just need to take a deep breath, relax and let life take me where it leads me.

Hold Still!

A Day at the Beach

Upper Management

Flight School Dropout

I'm more of a "Half Empty" type person.

Holiday Cheer

I was going to wait until a little closer to Christmas to post this, but decided this was close enough. Enjoy...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the sub
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a nub
The COB was all nestled
Asleep in his rack
Now free of the fleas
That once roamed his back
The rover was sleeping
Back by the MACE
Unaware of the drool
That covered his face
When up on the sail
There arose such a clatter
That topside awoke
To see what was the matter
When what to his
Wondering eyes should appear
Than some fat dude in a sleigh
Pulled by freaking reindeer
He leapt from the dogshack
And fell on his ass
Unholsterd his weapon
As quick as a flash
Slapped in a clip
And fired off a quick three
Then climbed up in the sail
For a closer look see
Upon reaching the top
He exclaimed “Suck my dick”
For lying before him
Was a dead ass Saint Nick
Three shots center mass
To bad he didn’t miss
But then again Santa wasn’t
On the access list
The children are sad
Topside don’t give a damn
‘Cause for stopping an intruder
His ass got a NAM

Choco's Got Back

This one is from my first boat about a certain Ensign who was a little on the heavy side. Little, who am I kidding, he shattered the height weight standards, and was in fact ordered by the Captain to skip desserts. His solution was to stash all kinds of candy in his rack, so much candy that we gave him the nick name Choco' Boy. This is to the tune of "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mixalot. Here goes

I like Chocolate, and I cannot lie
I really just can't deny
That I'm the Ensign with a Hershey's Kiss
Or a Snickers in my face
I get sprung, gotta pull up tough
'Cause you noticed my face is stuffed
Full of the candy I'm eatin'
And I just can't help repeating
Oh Baby Ruth
I wanna get witchya
Every time I see your picture
My CO tried to scorn me
But that yellow cake got
Me so hungry
The guys said hey there Ensign
You say you want chocolate again
well chew it, chew it
But on the surface you'll spew it
I don't like dancin'
to candy I'm Charles Manson
Sweat, bet I eat Hersheys
Like a Turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of Magazines
Saying Diets are the thing
Give me a Kit Kat
I'm Down with that
and I pack much back
So fella's, yeah, fella's yeah
Do I have a big ol' butt
Hell yeah,
Watch me Shake it, No, shake it, no
Shake my big ol' butt
Choco's got back

That is all for now more later...

My 3 Year Old Cracks Me Up

While trying to render assistance to my youngest in the bathroom I discovered that the toilet paper was not coming off the roll properly. Upon further investigation I found the cause to be a large glob of toothpaste on the edge of the roll causing it to stick together.
"Who could have done this?" I inquired to which I was quickly met with the reply "It wasn't me."
I chuckled and said back to her "This has your name written all over it."
She looked up at me and as sincerely as possible said "Somebody else must have written it."
I tell you that girl is quick.

I'm Sorry I Defend Their Freedom of Speech

'Why Believe in a God?' Ad Campaign Launches on D.C. Buses

Ads proclaiming, "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake," will appear on Washington, D.C., buses starting next week and running through December. The American Humanist Association unveiled the provocative $40,000 holiday ad campaign Tuesday.

Don't these people have something better to spend their money on? Don't they realize that the money they are spending has "In God We Trust" on it? They want "under God" taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance and "Christ" taken out of Christmas. Will they want me to change my name to Opher, so that I will no longer offend someone or am I just being ridiculous now?

Here is another quote from the story. "We are trying to reach our audience, and sometimes in order to reach an audience, everybody has to hear you," said Fred Edwords, spokesman for the humanist group. "Our reason for doing it during the holidays is there are an awful lot of agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists who feel a little alone during the holidays because of its association with traditional religion."

"Everybody has to hear you" and people think bible thumpers are pushy. At least they don't take on $40,000 dollar add campaigns pushing their views on everyone. Maybe all those agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists feel a little alone because they don't go to Church and share fellowship with other people. There is a reason that the holidays are associated with traditional religion, because it is meant to be the celebration of the birth of Jesus. If you don't believe in God or Jesus, then maybe you shouldn't believe in the holidays either.

Congratulations Mr. President (elect)

Now that I am over my disappointment of my candidate not winning the election I offer my congratulations to the next President Barack Obama. I will say that I was moved by his acceptance speech and will do my part to support him because that is what I took an oath to do. I feel I did my part(I actually voted this time) and it did not work out the way I would have liked, but we move on. I do not envy him in the tough road ahead. It takes a special kind of person to know that the job you desire will be the hardest, most thankless job anyone could ever have and still be willing to do it. I want to be proven wrong about my doubts of his abilities. Our country needs this Presidency to succeed, so I urge everyone to look past petty differences and give him a chance. Senator McCain said "My next President" (in a very classy secession speech I might add) and I think that sums it up nicely.

PS- I am not an English major, so if I used secession out of context please forgive me.

PPS-The actual word I should have used is concession.

Bad Halloween Costumes

Some (bad) ideas for Halloween

Get a laptop computer to carry around and simply state that you are an Internet predator. What is more scary than that.

Carry around a video camera and some T-shirts and tell people you are with Girls gone wild.

Jeffery Dahmer, or the John Wayne Gacy clown.

The transvestite from "The Crying Game"

Wear a whip cream bikini like the one in "Varsity Blues"

Carry around some sports memorabilia, black one of your eyes with makeup and say that OJ kicked your ass and wants his stuff back.

Carry around a fake bomb, wear an Obama for president shirt and say you are Bill Ayers.

John McCain's skin cancer. (Not sure how to pull that one off)

Get a realistic looking dildo, cut off and carry just the top inch and a half covered in fake blood and say that you were following to close behind Lorena Bobbit.

Spill whiskey on yourself, put on some hand cuffs, make several anti-semetic remarks and say you are Mel Gibson.

As I said in the beginning, these are all bad ideas for Halloween costumes and I don't actually recommend them to anyone, just like I would not recommend that Great White do a cover of the Talking Heads "Burning Down the House" it would be bad form.

Inspired by the Onion

As you can see from my links I like the Onion and thought of this headline in my sick little mind.

32 Year Old Woman Poses as 11 Year Old Boy to Meet Men Her Age.

Peoria, IL--Samantha Stevens was tired of meeting the same losers on her favorite dating website, so after watching an episode of Dateline she came up with a new idea to meet men her age. She presented herself as 11 year old Timmy Richardson on the social networking site MySpace and before long she had arranged meetings with several lonely men looking for companionship.
"I was really surprised by all the responses," Samantha was quoted as saying. "It is really interesting who you can find on the web these days. I've already had "dates" with a school teacher and a local fireman. I even met a youth minister, but broke off the date because that was just a little too weird."
Stevens also noted that most of the men were somewhat disappointed when they discovered her charade but were pleasantly relieved that she was not actually Chris Hansen.