I'm more of a "Half Empty" type person.

Holiday Cheer

I was going to wait until a little closer to Christmas to post this, but decided this was close enough. Enjoy...

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the sub
Not a creature was stirring
Not even a nub
The COB was all nestled
Asleep in his rack
Now free of the fleas
That once roamed his back
The rover was sleeping
Back by the MACE
Unaware of the drool
That covered his face
When up on the sail
There arose such a clatter
That topside awoke
To see what was the matter
When what to his
Wondering eyes should appear
Than some fat dude in a sleigh
Pulled by freaking reindeer
He leapt from the dogshack
And fell on his ass
Unholsterd his weapon
As quick as a flash
Slapped in a clip
And fired off a quick three
Then climbed up in the sail
For a closer look see
Upon reaching the top
He exclaimed “Suck my dick”
For lying before him
Was a dead ass Saint Nick
Three shots center mass
To bad he didn’t miss
But then again Santa wasn’t
On the access list
The children are sad
Topside don’t give a damn
‘Cause for stopping an intruder
His ass got a NAM

Choco's Got Back

This one is from my first boat about a certain Ensign who was a little on the heavy side. Little, who am I kidding, he shattered the height weight standards, and was in fact ordered by the Captain to skip desserts. His solution was to stash all kinds of candy in his rack, so much candy that we gave him the nick name Choco' Boy. This is to the tune of "Baby's Got Back" by Sir Mixalot. Here goes

I like Chocolate, and I cannot lie
I really just can't deny
That I'm the Ensign with a Hershey's Kiss
Or a Snickers in my face
I get sprung, gotta pull up tough
'Cause you noticed my face is stuffed
Full of the candy I'm eatin'
And I just can't help repeating
Oh Baby Ruth
I wanna get witchya
Every time I see your picture
My CO tried to scorn me
But that yellow cake got
Me so hungry
The guys said hey there Ensign
You say you want chocolate again
well chew it, chew it
But on the surface you'll spew it
I don't like dancin'
to candy I'm Charles Manson
Sweat, bet I eat Hersheys
Like a Turbo 'Vette
I'm tired of Magazines
Saying Diets are the thing
Give me a Kit Kat
I'm Down with that
and I pack much back
So fella's, yeah, fella's yeah
Do I have a big ol' butt
Hell yeah,
Watch me Shake it, No, shake it, no
Shake my big ol' butt
Choco's got back

That is all for now more later...

My 3 Year Old Cracks Me Up

While trying to render assistance to my youngest in the bathroom I discovered that the toilet paper was not coming off the roll properly. Upon further investigation I found the cause to be a large glob of toothpaste on the edge of the roll causing it to stick together.
"Who could have done this?" I inquired to which I was quickly met with the reply "It wasn't me."
I chuckled and said back to her "This has your name written all over it."
She looked up at me and as sincerely as possible said "Somebody else must have written it."
I tell you that girl is quick.

I'm Sorry I Defend Their Freedom of Speech

'Why Believe in a God?' Ad Campaign Launches on D.C. Buses

Ads proclaiming, "Why believe in a god? Just be good for goodness' sake," will appear on Washington, D.C., buses starting next week and running through December. The American Humanist Association unveiled the provocative $40,000 holiday ad campaign Tuesday.

Don't these people have something better to spend their money on? Don't they realize that the money they are spending has "In God We Trust" on it? They want "under God" taken out of the Pledge of Allegiance and "Christ" taken out of Christmas. Will they want me to change my name to Opher, so that I will no longer offend someone or am I just being ridiculous now?

Here is another quote from the story. "We are trying to reach our audience, and sometimes in order to reach an audience, everybody has to hear you," said Fred Edwords, spokesman for the humanist group. "Our reason for doing it during the holidays is there are an awful lot of agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists who feel a little alone during the holidays because of its association with traditional religion."

"Everybody has to hear you" and people think bible thumpers are pushy. At least they don't take on $40,000 dollar add campaigns pushing their views on everyone. Maybe all those agnostics, atheists and other types of non-theists feel a little alone because they don't go to Church and share fellowship with other people. There is a reason that the holidays are associated with traditional religion, because it is meant to be the celebration of the birth of Jesus. If you don't believe in God or Jesus, then maybe you shouldn't believe in the holidays either.

Congratulations Mr. President (elect)

Now that I am over my disappointment of my candidate not winning the election I offer my congratulations to the next President Barack Obama. I will say that I was moved by his acceptance speech and will do my part to support him because that is what I took an oath to do. I feel I did my part(I actually voted this time) and it did not work out the way I would have liked, but we move on. I do not envy him in the tough road ahead. It takes a special kind of person to know that the job you desire will be the hardest, most thankless job anyone could ever have and still be willing to do it. I want to be proven wrong about my doubts of his abilities. Our country needs this Presidency to succeed, so I urge everyone to look past petty differences and give him a chance. Senator McCain said "My next President" (in a very classy secession speech I might add) and I think that sums it up nicely.

PS- I am not an English major, so if I used secession out of context please forgive me.

PPS-The actual word I should have used is concession.

Bad Halloween Costumes

Some (bad) ideas for Halloween

Get a laptop computer to carry around and simply state that you are an Internet predator. What is more scary than that.

Carry around a video camera and some T-shirts and tell people you are with Girls gone wild.

Jeffery Dahmer, or the John Wayne Gacy clown.

The transvestite from "The Crying Game"

Wear a whip cream bikini like the one in "Varsity Blues"

Carry around some sports memorabilia, black one of your eyes with makeup and say that OJ kicked your ass and wants his stuff back.

Carry around a fake bomb, wear an Obama for president shirt and say you are Bill Ayers.

John McCain's skin cancer. (Not sure how to pull that one off)

Get a realistic looking dildo, cut off and carry just the top inch and a half covered in fake blood and say that you were following to close behind Lorena Bobbit.

Spill whiskey on yourself, put on some hand cuffs, make several anti-semetic remarks and say you are Mel Gibson.

As I said in the beginning, these are all bad ideas for Halloween costumes and I don't actually recommend them to anyone, just like I would not recommend that Great White do a cover of the Talking Heads "Burning Down the House" it would be bad form.