Pastor Fighting to Stay in Massage Business After Charges He Ran 'Heaven Spa' Prostitution House
Arizona attorneys say an Arizona pastor should be barred from the massage business after authorities reportedly discovered that he was running a house of prostitution under the guise of a church.
According to the Arizona Daily Star, Pastor John LaVoie of the Church of Liberty in Tucson, Ariz., ran a day-spa where he claims his female "angel" staff was merely “laying hands”(and numerous other body parts) — a traditional Christian healing practice — on patrons.
But authorities say that employees at the Angel’s Heaven Relaxation Spa were hardly doing holy work and were instead selling sex, the Star reported.
But LaVoie is fighting the charges by citing his constitutional guarantees freedom of religion.
Halleluiah, I'm going to that church.
I'm betting Bill Clinton and the Governor of New York are members of his congregation.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Ripped from the headlines
U.S. Navy converges on kidnapping pirates
CNN) -- Several U.S. navy ships have converged near a Ukrainian cargo ship, seized last week by pirates off the coast of Somalia, a navy official told CNN Monday.
Lt. Nathan Christensen said the ships, including the USS Howard, were working toward the safe release of the seized ship, which is loaded with Soviet-era tanks and weapons. He further went on to add that if peaceful negotiations could not be reached, the Navy would also consider "blowing that sucker out of the water" to prevent the weapons falling into the wrong hands.
The navy ships were not involved in negotiations between the pirates and the shipping company, he said.
The pirates, who Christensen said were "loitering on and around the ship," have lowered their ransom demand from $35 million to $20 million. They also requested 16 men on a dead man's chest, a bottle of rum, and the release of Captain Jack Sparrow.
The pirates hijacked the ship Faina off the coast of Somalia on Thursday. The ship was headed to the Kenyan port of Mombasa after departing from Nikolayev, Ukraine, and was seized not far from its destination after being overtaken by the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl.
The Kenyan government said Sunday it had not been contacted by the hijackers.
Rashid Abdi, an independent Horn of Africa analyst with the International Crisis Group, said the pirates have been making their ransom demands in interviews with media outlets. They have also discussed selling the movie rights to Jerry Bruckheimer and have proposed a Pirates of the Horn of Africa themed ride at Euro Disney.
"The pirates are very clever and well connected," Abdi said. "They know the importance of using the media to put forward their side of the story."
A spokesman for the pirates who was reached by sattelite phone had this to say. "Arr, ravage, pillage, plunder, maim and put big hickeys on all the fair damsels, arrr!"
CNN) -- Several U.S. navy ships have converged near a Ukrainian cargo ship, seized last week by pirates off the coast of Somalia, a navy official told CNN Monday.
Lt. Nathan Christensen said the ships, including the USS Howard, were working toward the safe release of the seized ship, which is loaded with Soviet-era tanks and weapons. He further went on to add that if peaceful negotiations could not be reached, the Navy would also consider "blowing that sucker out of the water" to prevent the weapons falling into the wrong hands.
The navy ships were not involved in negotiations between the pirates and the shipping company, he said.
The pirates, who Christensen said were "loitering on and around the ship," have lowered their ransom demand from $35 million to $20 million. They also requested 16 men on a dead man's chest, a bottle of rum, and the release of Captain Jack Sparrow.
The pirates hijacked the ship Faina off the coast of Somalia on Thursday. The ship was headed to the Kenyan port of Mombasa after departing from Nikolayev, Ukraine, and was seized not far from its destination after being overtaken by the Flying Dutchman and the Black Pearl.
The Kenyan government said Sunday it had not been contacted by the hijackers.
Rashid Abdi, an independent Horn of Africa analyst with the International Crisis Group, said the pirates have been making their ransom demands in interviews with media outlets. They have also discussed selling the movie rights to Jerry Bruckheimer and have proposed a Pirates of the Horn of Africa themed ride at Euro Disney.
"The pirates are very clever and well connected," Abdi said. "They know the importance of using the media to put forward their side of the story."
A spokesman for the pirates who was reached by sattelite phone had this to say. "Arr, ravage, pillage, plunder, maim and put big hickeys on all the fair damsels, arrr!"
Friday, September 26, 2008
Stalking You
This is a totally new original, that has nothing to do with boats whatsoever. It is to the tune of Blue October's "Calling You". Here it goes, enjoy
I'm that creepy guy stalking again,
I'm so obsessed with you,
You never take that away,
And if I followed a hundred times before,
Expect a thousand more,
You never take that away
Well expect me to be calling you to see,
If your home before I come around,
Asking if you love me,
I don't care if you turn me down,
Calling you to see,
Do I try to hard to make you mine,
To make you mine,
Well I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
I wrote you a love letter the day,
(I'm so hard sometimes)
The court order came through,
(Then came two, then came two)
So I threw it away
(Why are you so difficult, you have to be so difficult)
You pull open the blinds,
And I'm watching you,
And I feel my manhood rise,
When I peek in at you,
So while I'm on this phone,
A jail cells now my home,
You'll take the gifts I gave,
And send them back it's true,
I only want to see,
If your home before I come around,
Asking if you love me,
I don't care if you turn me down,
Calling you to see,
Do I try to hard to make you mine,
To make you mine,
I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
So I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
That's all for now, more later...
I'm that creepy guy stalking again,
I'm so obsessed with you,
You never take that away,
And if I followed a hundred times before,
Expect a thousand more,
You never take that away
Well expect me to be calling you to see,
If your home before I come around,
Asking if you love me,
I don't care if you turn me down,
Calling you to see,
Do I try to hard to make you mine,
To make you mine,
Well I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
I wrote you a love letter the day,
(I'm so hard sometimes)
The court order came through,
(Then came two, then came two)
So I threw it away
(Why are you so difficult, you have to be so difficult)
You pull open the blinds,
And I'm watching you,
And I feel my manhood rise,
When I peek in at you,
So while I'm on this phone,
A jail cells now my home,
You'll take the gifts I gave,
And send them back it's true,
I only want to see,
If your home before I come around,
Asking if you love me,
I don't care if you turn me down,
Calling you to see,
Do I try to hard to make you mine,
To make you mine,
I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
So I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
I will keep stalking you to see,
If you're sleeping are you naked,
If you're naked just how much can I see,
I can't believe you called the cops on me.
That's all for now, more later...
Monday, September 22, 2008
The Wrong Way
This one is about the individual that inspired the previous post. I changed the name(slightly) just on the off chance that someone he works with might read this and make fun of him. It is to the tune of "Wrong Way" by Sublime. Enjoy...
Waldo’s 24 he don’t shower any more
Nobody ever told him it’s the wrong way.
Don’t be afraid,
‘cause with Febreze he’s been sprayed
He’ll still never get laid
it’s the wrong way
Used all the stick ups I had to give
But His stench really makes it hard to live
A big dip slobber is running down his chin
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
A big fat dip pressed between his lips
But I'm staring at his zits
It's the wrong way
Strong if I can, but I am only a man
So I puke in the trash can
It's the wrong way
The only dating option he’s ever had
Is a jar of Vaseline and a porno mag
He has some toothpaste
but it isn’t for his teeth,
It’s for cleaning off the spooge
from his laptop PC
Happy no I’m sad, wanna leave here bad
I'll do anything I can
It's the wrong way
On watch all night, his smell isn’t right
Hope that spit bottle’s capped tight
It was the wrong way
Can’t run away I don’t wanna stay
I’m stuck in this watch section, oh no
It's only two, four more hours what to do
Spend some time in Maneuvering
Nub style!
Used all the stick ups I had to give
But His stench really makes it hard to live
A big dip slobber is running down his chin
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
Wanna run away
And I'm sorry when I say, that straight to this very day
It was the wrong way
Stuck in the box
it don't matter if I like it or not
Because no matter what
he still smells the wrong way
Gave all the Head and Shoulders I had to give
But he still wouldn't take it, oh no
His big old head is scaly like a fish
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
Waldo’s 24 he don’t shower any more
Nobody ever told him it’s the wrong way.
Don’t be afraid,
‘cause with Febreze he’s been sprayed
He’ll still never get laid
it’s the wrong way
Used all the stick ups I had to give
But His stench really makes it hard to live
A big dip slobber is running down his chin
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
A big fat dip pressed between his lips
But I'm staring at his zits
It's the wrong way
Strong if I can, but I am only a man
So I puke in the trash can
It's the wrong way
The only dating option he’s ever had
Is a jar of Vaseline and a porno mag
He has some toothpaste
but it isn’t for his teeth,
It’s for cleaning off the spooge
from his laptop PC
Happy no I’m sad, wanna leave here bad
I'll do anything I can
It's the wrong way
On watch all night, his smell isn’t right
Hope that spit bottle’s capped tight
It was the wrong way
Can’t run away I don’t wanna stay
I’m stuck in this watch section, oh no
It's only two, four more hours what to do
Spend some time in Maneuvering
Nub style!
Used all the stick ups I had to give
But His stench really makes it hard to live
A big dip slobber is running down his chin
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
Wanna run away
And I'm sorry when I say, that straight to this very day
It was the wrong way
Stuck in the box
it don't matter if I like it or not
Because no matter what
he still smells the wrong way
Gave all the Head and Shoulders I had to give
But he still wouldn't take it, oh no
His big old head is scaly like a fish
And it makes me bout throw-up
I never wanted
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Febreze
This one goes out to all the stinky people who choose not to shower when underway. I will provide you with some helpful hygiene tips observed on boat #2.
Offgoing drills and oncoming training got you down. No time to hit the showers before going to the rack. No worries, just spritz yourself down with a little Febreze. Be sure to keep your eyes shut when spraying near your face because that shit burns. But hey, temporary blindness is a small price to pay to prevent the painful jeers of your shipmates who have noticed your oppressive body odor. You can also save time on your laundry, just lay all your clothes on your rack and spray away. Your laundry may not be clean, but at least it won't smell like a cat mistook your clothes for a litter box.
Febreze, makes me feel fine
Showering just takes up so much ti-i-i-ime!
Offgoing drills and oncoming training got you down. No time to hit the showers before going to the rack. No worries, just spritz yourself down with a little Febreze. Be sure to keep your eyes shut when spraying near your face because that shit burns. But hey, temporary blindness is a small price to pay to prevent the painful jeers of your shipmates who have noticed your oppressive body odor. You can also save time on your laundry, just lay all your clothes on your rack and spray away. Your laundry may not be clean, but at least it won't smell like a cat mistook your clothes for a litter box.
Febreze, makes me feel fine
Showering just takes up so much ti-i-i-ime!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Prout's Song
This one is about a guy who forgot his entire CD collection in his car with the exception of the one CD he had in his CD player when he brought it down to the boat before an underway. It happened to be the second Creed CD "Human Clay". That is why this song is to the tune of "With Arms Wide Open" by Creed. Here goes...
Well I just heard, the Creed CD
The only one, I brought with me
I close my eyes, begin to pray
I can borrow some, this underway
I hate this CD
I've heard it 40 times
I've heard it so damn much
It's burned into my mind
I hate this CD
I know it's short but I only ever made up the first verse. Maybe some day I will expound on it but probably not.
That's all for now, more later...
Well I just heard, the Creed CD
The only one, I brought with me
I close my eyes, begin to pray
I can borrow some, this underway
I hate this CD
I've heard it 40 times
I've heard it so damn much
It's burned into my mind
I hate this CD
I know it's short but I only ever made up the first verse. Maybe some day I will expound on it but probably not.
That's all for now, more later...
A day in the box
I just found an old pocket brain from my second boat in which I jotted down some notes about how the watch was going that day.
1807--Coulston not watching panel, and again at 1808 (x4)
1809--Stevie Six Fingers takes long time for logs
1810--LTJG Valdespino tells another Uncle Stevo gook whore story. Frank molests RO. Coulston looks away from panel again (x3)
1811--Coulston uses pump noise monitor excuse to not watch panel. Hogue enters maneuvering to clean, his head is no longer oozing
1812--Sound transient Franks gut. Hogue completes after watch cleanup. Jones enters and gives. Mr. Valdespino is still talking.
1813--Frank grabs RO's crank
1814--Amp hour meter clicks scares Coulston again. Coulston uses checking for expected conditions excuse to not watch panel.
1815--Nevitt ponders the possibility of knocking someones jizz out of their ass by punching them in the junk.
1816--Coulston faces away from other watch standers providing no watch team backup. Uses the Frank cleaning excuse, then looks away from panel again.
1818--RO notes Coulston's neck beard needs a trim, Coulston replies "It's not as bad as Parker's"
1820--Coulston looks nervous. Throttleman U/I says watching Coulston is like watching Wild Kingdom. From the RO's angle it appears that Frank is orally pleasuring Coulston. Valdespino appologizes for Coulster nickname.
1821--RO asks for head from Frank then refuses advances vehemently
1822--Old fart with old balls and warts enters maneuvering
1823--RO still being molested. Old fart with old balls leaves
1824--Coulston chuckles about not looking at his panel and not getting caught, then gets caught
1825--Frank offers to polish RO's knob, then grabs RO's junk
1826--Prout runs scared, offers his U/I to take his place. U/I is very nervous. Coulston looks away from his panel again.
1827--Nevitt brings up Uncle Stevo's snakes Fred and Barney, now Mr. Valdespino will not shut up. Thanks, Nevitt.
1828--Frank tries to lube U/I with simple green, man is that cold. Frank leaves.
1829--See first entry. Coulston laughs through nose. Too many Coulston looking away from
panels to count.
1830--Fred and Barney reference did not cause Mr. Valdespino to chatter endlessly about them.
That was the last entry so I think we were getting ready for qual drills and I stopped writing. Anyway, to my one faithful reader, enjoy.
That's all for now, more later...
1807--Coulston not watching panel, and again at 1808 (x4)
1809--Stevie Six Fingers takes long time for logs
1810--LTJG Valdespino tells another Uncle Stevo gook whore story. Frank molests RO. Coulston looks away from panel again (x3)
1811--Coulston uses pump noise monitor excuse to not watch panel. Hogue enters maneuvering to clean, his head is no longer oozing
1812--Sound transient Franks gut. Hogue completes after watch cleanup. Jones enters and gives. Mr. Valdespino is still talking.
1813--Frank grabs RO's crank
1814--Amp hour meter clicks scares Coulston again. Coulston uses checking for expected conditions excuse to not watch panel.
1815--Nevitt ponders the possibility of knocking someones jizz out of their ass by punching them in the junk.
1816--Coulston faces away from other watch standers providing no watch team backup. Uses the Frank cleaning excuse, then looks away from panel again.
1818--RO notes Coulston's neck beard needs a trim, Coulston replies "It's not as bad as Parker's"
1820--Coulston looks nervous. Throttleman U/I says watching Coulston is like watching Wild Kingdom. From the RO's angle it appears that Frank is orally pleasuring Coulston. Valdespino appologizes for Coulster nickname.
1821--RO asks for head from Frank then refuses advances vehemently
1822--Old fart with old balls and warts enters maneuvering
1823--RO still being molested. Old fart with old balls leaves
1824--Coulston chuckles about not looking at his panel and not getting caught, then gets caught
1825--Frank offers to polish RO's knob, then grabs RO's junk
1826--Prout runs scared, offers his U/I to take his place. U/I is very nervous. Coulston looks away from his panel again.
1827--Nevitt brings up Uncle Stevo's snakes Fred and Barney, now Mr. Valdespino will not shut up. Thanks, Nevitt.
1828--Frank tries to lube U/I with simple green, man is that cold. Frank leaves.
1829--See first entry. Coulston laughs through nose. Too many Coulston looking away from
panels to count.
1830--Fred and Barney reference did not cause Mr. Valdespino to chatter endlessly about them.
That was the last entry so I think we were getting ready for qual drills and I stopped writing. Anyway, to my one faithful reader, enjoy.
That's all for now, more later...
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